Sakura
by PreviouslyOnLife-WtfAmIdoing
Summary: Sasuke is gone. So is Naruto. Sakura guesses it's her turn now. AU. SakuraxAkatsuki, SakuMulti, slow burn.
1. another one gone

**Hi, it's been a while since I've written any type of fanfiction. I've been thinking about writing this story for a couple years and I'm sorry, but I've abandoned my other stories, for now. I've grown as a person and writer and wanted to tell a more serious story.**

 **Basically all events are the same from Naruto; Sasuke has left to train with Orochimaru and Naruto with Jiraiya. Sakura makes a decision to take on a very dangerous mission while they are away. She's doing this mostly because she has extreme guilt about all that has happened and wants to change.**

 **This will be a more mature story, just because of suicidal thoughts, depression symptoms and even drugs in the future. And language! So don't read if this type of stuff bothers you.**

 **Naruto and the characters do not belong to me. Just using them for fun :D**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Sakura stood outside the green gate, giving Naruto a long hug. She could feel how tense he was, but then he squeezed her even tighter. She didn't know when he was going to return, and she didn't know how she felt about everything. She felt numb.

There was a gentle breeze that blew against her hair and it made her shiver. Naruto brought her closer to him, seeing goose bumps form on her bare arms. He buried his face into her neck and sighed heavily. He wouldn't be seeing her for a while and it was a bittersweet moment for both of them. He could sense Jiraiya's impatience; it must be awkward for the older man watching them.

Just days ago, they were running after Gaara's student, Matsuri after she got kidnapped. It wasn't a hard mission, but an important one, since Suna and Konoha were now allies. The mission was a success, but Naruto and Gaara were injured and had to stay at the hospital. Now just shortly after, he was leaving.

She slowly let him go, looking him in the eyes and giving him a small smile. She didn't want him to worry about her, or let him notice how unhappy she was.

"I'll get stronger, Sakura," Naruto promised. "I'll bring him back."

Her heart sank and her stomach hurt. She hated this feeling. The way he was looking at her made her feel even worse. He was staring so intensely at her that she felt so bare, like he could read everything about her. He only thought she cared for Sasuke, but that wasn't true anymore.

Sakura breathed heavily, trying to stop the tears from forming in her eyes. She wanted to stay strong in this moment. For him. She didn't want to burden him with anymore.

"I…" She couldn't form into words how she was feeling. What was she feeling exactly?

She just knew it wasn't supposed to go this way.

"Naruto, we have to get going," Jiraiya said stoically. The older male saw the pain in Sakura's eyes, but he didn't want to interfere. He wasn't good with that type of stuff anyway. He leaned on one hip as he watched the two say their drawn out goodbye. He missed being young. He saw the way Naruto had his arms around her. He really missed the old days, especially when he pressed his face against a woman's chest for the first time. He smiled, lost in his thoughts, a little bit of blood running down his nose. The soft, squishy, big-

"HEY, PERVY SAGE!" Naruto kicked him in the leg and Jiraiya went jumping up and down.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

"You know why, you were thinking about naked chicks again! I can see it all over your face!" Naruto shouted proudly, pointing at the old geezer.

Jiraiya's face turned red and he rubbed the back of his head and laughed sheepishly. The old man was never going to change. "You have no idea what you are talking about, honestly." Jiraiya said shaking his head.

Naruto looked back at his pink hair teammate. "Can you imagine me being stuck with this perv for almost three years?" Naruto complained, already starting to regret the decision.

Sakura giggled, her eyes becoming a little brighter, "Please don't turn into him."

"Nah, I got better restraint than that! You hear that, old man, you can't corrupt me!" Naruto was then smacked in the head and a red bump appeared and he groaned in pain.

"Keep that up and there'll be more of that," Jiraiya stated irritated by his young student, his hand still folded into a fist over Naruto's head.

Sakura kept giggling; she was going to miss moments like this. Naruto always had a way of making her laugh.

Naruto then turned serious and looked at her straight in the eyes. "I'll miss you, Sakura."

She was stun by his open feelings, and blushed a little. Oh Naruto. "I'll miss you too," She wanted to say more. She wanted to express how he was her best friend, how she didn't want him to go, that she didn't care about Sasuke anymore, that she didn't want to be left alone, but before she could, the blond interrupted her.

He gave her big thumbs up and a toothy smile and turned to his older companion. "Let's get going! We got training to do! I'm going to become stronger then ever!"

Jiraiya sighed, watching the blond walk away from the village. He turned to Sakura, giving her a soft smile. "Good luck, kiddo." He then left her by herself.

She watched as they went farther away from the gate until they were nothing but specks in the distance. The sun was starting to set and she looked up to see a hue of orange and yellow mixing with the deep blue sky. There were almost no clouds in sight. Shikamaru must be disappointed.

Tears started to slip down her face and her eyes went wide from shock. She quickly ran her hands through her face to wipe them away, along with snot that was starting to pick up around her nose. She hated crying, she was always so ugly during it and it was considered weak.

"Damnit."

Later at night after having a silent dinner with her parents, Sakura was laying down in her bed in the dark. Her mom left some hot cocoa by the door for comfort, she could smell it, but she had no appetite. She could see the light outside in the hall and see the shadows of her parents moving around. They'll be going to bed soon.

She still felt nothing. It was like all the emotions were there but not really. She couldn't even access them. She never felt such emotional numbness, the bitterness and anger and sadness was there but she couldn't really feel them. Was something wrong with her?

She remembered when Kakashi was telling her Naruto was leaving and all she could say was, "okay." Her sensei knew better and patted her head softly. They were on the bridge their team always used to meet on. The one where Kakashi would be hours late with some damn stupid excuse that Sakura and Naruto would call him out for. Now it was the two of them left. To be honest, Kakashi always felt a little bit more awkward around Sakura then the boys. He thought she was more fragile.

"Does this mean were not a team anymore?" She asked him quietly, almost in a whisper tone. His hand stopped rubbing her hair and went back to his pockets.

He didn't answer her for a minute and she assumed the worst. She was alone. Kakashi replied, "No, we will always be a team… it's just that we all have to go separate paths. For now. Think of this as a long mission… just not together..." He was having a hard time looking at her empty eyes, he couldn't lie to her but he could at least try to save her some emotional baggage. He was awful at comforting someone; he just wasn't wired that way. Most ninjas weren't, but Sakura has always been the more emotional type so he was trying his best to console his last remaining student.

"Oh…" she started, "I see." That's all she needed to hear.

She heard the news just three days ago and now everyone was gone. She rolled over in her bed, and curled up to herself. She hadn't seen Kakashi in days and all the other genin were busy training with their teams or on missions. She had no one at the moment. She hated this feeling, she felt so useless but even when she wanted to do something, she had no motivation to try.

She stared up at her plain white ceiling lost in thought.

Sasuke left to go train with that creepy snake, Orochimaru. One of the legendary sannin, just like Tsunade and Jiraiya. The three of them used to be a team under the Hiruzen. However, a long time ago he turned evil, or he was always evil but decided to act on it. He even killed the third Hokage, his own sensei, and gave Sasuke a curse mark. Sasuke was then so driven to become powerful to avenge his clan by killing his older brother, Itachi, and so he left. Naruto was then motivated to get him back, by any means necessary.

She remembered that night vividly. She remembered running after Sasuke and begging for him to stay. Was it out of love? Or infatuation? He ended up knocking her out and left her on a bench. A fucking bench. She woke up later not aware of what happened. Then he was gone. They sent a team to go after him, Shikamaru was the leader, but it failed and a lot of them were hurt in the process. Naruto included. This was right after the chunin exams when Tsunade ended up taking the part as the first female Hokage in history. From what Sakura heard, Tsunade was reluctant to do it until Naruto got involved.

Naruto somehow always got involved... but he always turned out successful. Even at a young age, Sakura remembers his contagious positivity. He was always yelling on how he would become the Hokage and the most powerful ninja in the land, just so people would acknowledge him. At times she found it annoying, but later on she relied on it. He provided her and others with some hope.

Naruto promised her to get Sasuke back, but now she regretted ever saying anything. She hated Sasuke now. He left their team for selfish purposes, and they could've helped him. Now Naruto was gone, and she was all alone.

Alone. Fucking isolated at that.

She was pissed. She buried her fingers into her hair and groaned. She was such a fucking idiot. After all this time, how could she not see it?

She spent her whole damn childhood chasing after Sasuke. Deep down, she knew she liked him a lot, but now she started to think she only liked him because she wanted someone to take care of her. She wasn't in love with him; love wasn't supposed to make you question everything about yourself. She just became obsessed with the idea of what Sasuke could've been. She cared about him, a lot in a way, but she neglected herself just to look after him. He was good looking, intelligent, but such an ass to her. Not even just her, but to everyone. She felt like she deserved it. She was annoying, weak, and dragged her team behind. Of course she was treated badly. She was treated badly by Sasuke, and ended up treating Naruto the same way.

Sakura knew Naruto had feelings for her, but she didn't understand why. She didn't treat him well, but he was always praising her and telling her how special she was to him. She was so annoyed by it, because all she wanted was to have Sasuke tell her all those things. She felt a ripple of shame go through her.

She felt so guilty. The tears were now flowing down her face and she sobbed loudly into her pillow. Her shoulders quaking as she breathed heavily. Naruto was now gone and he wanted to bring Sasuke back, for her.

She didn't want Sasuke back now. She wanted Naruto to be here. Not in a romantic way, but because he was her best friend. After Sasuke was gone, all she had left was the annoying, obnoxious blond teammate. She wasn't close to Ino anymore, not since they were kids. She was never close to Hinata or any other girls for that matter now that she thought of it. She was closer to the guys when she was younger before Ino came into her life.

What was she even doing with her life? It seemed like others had already figured it all out, and she felt so far behind.

Sakura threw her pillow across the room out of anger. It hit the dresser and a flower vase crashed to the floor. Her mother called out her name and asked if everything was okay. Sakura ignored her and just buried her face in her hands. She couldn't feel sorry for herself anymore. She got into this situation; she had to get out of it.

Something had to change.

She had to take responsibility of her own life now.

* * *

Two weeks went by and she was starting to get back into the groove of things. She would train medical ninjutsu with Tsunade everyday and at first she had a difficult time concentrating. The female Hokage was harder, if not even harder on her after Naruto left. She had a feeling Tsunade didn't give a shit about her being sad, the older woman would tell her to suck it up, that's what being a ninja was all about. She knew she had to be emotionless, but some days all she wanted to do was go cry in her room just to release all the negative emotions. After a couple days of nonstop training, Tsunade seem to sense how miserable her student was and decided to go easier on her.

"I'll give you sometime to pull yourself together. But we are still training everyday, it's important!" Sakura didn't ask why it was important, she just assumed because she had so much to learn. She knew something was wrong deep down, in her bones, but was too scared to talk about it. It was like she lost a connection to her true self.

Lee and Gai would invite her to train with their team and she would accept it somberly. They knew she didn't have anyone else to train with, so she was somewhat grateful for them. But she also couldn't shake away the guilt, or the way they would look at her with pity. Lee was still kind to her a usual, and would invite her for lunch or dinner, but she always declined. Tenten and Neji would talk to her sometimes while she trained with them, but sometimes she felt a little bit of an outcast because she wasn't a member of their team.

Ino and Shikamaru tried small talk with her too, but they could never talk long. Sakura didn't care either way. The numbness was still there. She just kept to herself most of the time now anyway.

She still hadn't seen Kakashi and she was starting to realize she wouldn't be working with him. When Naruto was still around, the three of them would still go on small missions, but now Kakashi was right. They all went separate ways. It made her feel even worst. Her own sensei wouldn't even train her anymore.

But was it entirely his fault? No, she thought. She realized it had to do with her too. When team 7 was all training together, sure she would pay attention and learn whatever Kakashi had in store for them, but did she honestly try to improve herself? Sasuke and Naruto went hard everyday and she would sometimes just give the bare minimum, more memorized by what they were doing. What Sasuke was doing. She felt anger, not at her sensei, but also at her old self. She understood why Kakashi wasn't interested in training her, because she didn't show enough that she wanted to be trained by him.

The daily training with Tsunade and Gai's team made her feel normal again, but at night, all the bad thoughts would find a way in her head. Repeating over and over again. She would force herself to drink some Sleepytime tea and wake up early to do the same thing over and over again. She was trying not to feel sorry for herself, but she was angry at the world.

Why? Because thing's don't go as planned, and fantasies don't become reality. It was a hard pill for her to swallow.

A month went by and she was called into Tsunade's office. She had been walking back home until she got a message that her teacher needed to see her. It was urgent.

"You wanted to see me, my lady?" Sakura walked into the open office. She saw the older blond looking outside into the black of night. There were some lights on, but slowly the city was dimming. The room was extremely bright and Sakura felt extremelt uncomfortable in it.

"Yes… I have something very important to talk to you about." Tsunade answered solemnly.

She turned around in her chair to look at Sakura. Her eyes were closed and she leaned into her chin on her crossed hands. Sakura then noticed there was an open bottle of sake on the right side of the desk where piles of papers were spread. Shizune was nowhere to be seen, usually the brunette was with the Hokage, but not at this time. It seemed like the Hokage had been doing heavy paper work all day which meant she probably wasn't in the best mood. A slight pink rosiness was on the Hokage's cheeks, meaning she's been drinking for a while.

Oh boy, Sakura was not in the mood to deal with her drunk teacher.

"I really didn't want to do this," The Hokage sighed. Sakura stared ahead and raised an eyebrow in confusion. She didn't sound drunk, usually there was a slur of incoherent words then a life lesson rant. What on earth is she talking about?

Tsunade looked straight into Sakura's eyes. "The reason I called you in was to discuss a mission."

Sakura was still confused. "What kind of mission, my lady?"

"A very dangerous one." Tsunade said plainly, "and I don't know how long it's going to take," then took a swing of liquor. Sakura was starting to get concerned, but didn't show it. Danger, alcohol, and Tsunade don't mix well together.

"The reason I didn't talk about it before with you was because of how upset you were after Naruto left. I didn't want to go easy on you but…" She didn't finish what she was saying and sighed again, sloppily putting down the bottle on her desk. She almost spilled it on the papers, which Sakura almost winced at.

"But I have no choice now."

Sakura interposed. "I don't understand, you said my main focus was to learn everything about being a medical ninja." Sakura saying flabbergasted, "you said before I wouldn't need to go on any missions for a while until I learn the basics, I don't –"

Tsunade slammed her fist against the desk, "because there is not time for you to learn the basics!" The whole room went quiet again.

Sakura quickly shut her mouth and looked at the ground almost embarrassed for rambling. What the hell was Tsunade talking about? The reason she was learning under the great Tsunade was because she was the greatest medical ninja in the world, and Sakura wanted to become more useful and thought this was a great opportunity to do something. Why would she tell her she wouldn't need to be focusing on medical ninjutsu anymore?

Tsunade exhaled and took another swing of her drink. Fucking Mondays.

"Do you know why Jiraiya took Naruto to train?" She asked her student.

Sakura looked up, bewildered, "not really, I just know it was for Naruto to get stronger, for whatever reason..." she mumbled the last part. It still wasn't easy to talk about.

Tsunade nodded, "Yes, that was one reason. But there's another reason too…"

Tsunade really didn't want to do this. Might as well rip the whole bandage off.

"Jiraiya has been looking into a group called the Akatsuki for some time now, and has learned some very alarming facts about them."

Before Sakura could ask, Tsunade cut her off. "They are a criminal organization. Right at this moment, we are not entirely sure how many members it consists of, but we know it's around nine.

"They recently have gotten a lot of attention as a group of mercenaries that can be hired. However, their location is hidden. We have suspected they have multiple bases in use which makes it more difficult to track them. They seemed to have worked in smaller countries, but now have grown in power. Jiraiya went off to find more about them after his fight with Itachi Uchiha, and the Kisame Hoshigaki. I don't doubt you remember they were after Naruto when they came here."

Sakura nodded, remembering hearing what happened from Naruto.

Tsunade paused before continuing, "And It seems that these two are in the Akatsuki, and are after the tailed beasts."

Sakura was shocked. Itachi was in this group? She honestly didn't know much about him except from what she heard. He massacred his whole clan in one night, and only left Sasuke alive, and abandoned the village all together. No one really talked about it, everyone was hush, hush about it but there were conspiracies as to why he did it.

"Tailed beasts? You mean like the ones Naruto and Gaara have?" Sakura asked. Tsunade nodded. Sakura was getting anxious by hearing this.

"I know you're confused as to why I am telling you all of this." The older blond could see her student trying to piece it all together. She knew Sakura was very clever. Maybe not to the extent of Shikamaru, but Sakura was perceptive.

"Y-yes," Sakura stuttered. Shit, pull yourself together! "What does this have to do with my mission?"

Tsunade was quiet, closing her eyes and leaning against her hands again.

Sakura suddenly went pale, "You're not telling me it has to do with this Akatsuki group, right?"

Tsunade didn't answer, but gave Sakura a very serious look.

"Y-you can't be serious!"

"This is serious!" Tsunade yelled, slurring the words quite a bit. The alcohol must've just hit her. Sakura was now enraged.

"But what exactly am I going to be doing? Am I spying? A-am I going to locate them? You're not telling me what exactly is going on still!" Sakura was hurt and petrified now. "Please, just tell me directly what is going on." Sakura begged. Her hands were shaking and her eyes were starting to tear up. All of the buildup from the last month, she refused to feel anything. Now it was all coming out and she couldn't contain it anymore.

Tsunade went quiet again, watching her student start to break down. She wanted to grab the poor girl and hold her close, but she also wanted to slap her for reacting in an unprofessional way. She knew Sakura was in pain, after loosing one teammate, another one was sent away. And now, she had bring the unbearable news upon her own student.

The silence was overbearing, then Tsunade told her the truth.

"You're going to be infiltrating the Akatsuki."

* * *

 **And before you're like wtf did I just read, Sakura can't join them. That's because she won't be Sakura when she's joining them ;), hint hint. And it'll take a while before she actually gets into the group, because usually the leader finds people he wants to join them, not the other way around.**

 **Something I want to focus on in this story is how Sakura will be changing as a person. Obviously it won't happen in a couple days, but slowly over time she won't be the same person. So if she was annoying in this chapter or just a victim, then that was my purpose. I think she came off as depressed, which is what I was aiming for because, I mean, I would be pretty upset too if I lost a friend that I wouldn't be in contact for some years.**

 **I wanted her character to realize that maybe she wasn't in love with Sasuke, but more in love with the idea of love. Because let's face it, I don't remember why she loves him in the first place. I know she cares for him deeply and that'll show later on, but right now she is borderline hating him because she feels he ripped the team apart. And with Naruto, she has a strong bond with him. Not romantic, maybe in the future, we will see, but she definitely sees him as a good friend.**

 **And before you start guessing the exact plot of this story, don't, because I'm trying to do something different with this. And it'll be slow burn for sure, but there will be romance, I assure you.**

 **So I hope you enjoyed my first chapter and please leave a review, I'm still trying to improve my writing and would love to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks!**


	2. a silent goodbye

**Hey all! I want to thank all of those who took the time to read and review my story! Thanks for following and favoriting as well!**

 **I spent more time on this chapter because I wanted to make sure it made sense and I kept finding more things to add to it, and on top of school, it took a while.**

 **But at the end, if you would like to leave a review and give some thoughts on it, then it would be appreciated! Also any spelling or grammar mistakes because I'm human, and I make writing mistakes all the time and I can't fix them all lol, so let me know!**

 **It's going to take a couple of chapters until she actually gets into the Akatsuki. But from what we know, most members were sought out and most forced to join, so Sakura is going to have to get their attention. And get a reputation. Insert Taylor Swift song, just kidding!**

 **Thank you again and enjoy! :)**

* * *

Sakura carried on down the road, it was nighttime now, and the streetlamp's were beaming. It stung her eyes just a bit, and she used her arm to cover the light and rub her eyes. She stopped in the middle of a 4-way, fenced street. She wasn't really paying attention to where she was walking, mostly just avoiding sitting at home, thinking.

She was terrified.

Her dreams shattered right before her eyes.

She couldn't be a medical-ninja anymore. She was chosen, and when you're sent on a mission from the higher ups, you can't say no. That's the life of a ninja, sacrificing oneself for the sake of the village. That's what she signed up for, because she truly believed that using herself for the village was one of the more honorable things she could do.

I mean… she still believes it's true.

But this was different. She wasn't anything special. Sakura knows she has limitations, but were they so bad that she had to be used like this? This wasn't a mission that looked to be even successful in any way. Other's before her failed, apparently there bodies are found months later, their bodies unrecognizable, they had to get a DNA sample to identify who it was. Was this still honorable? Or just stupid?

They wanted to wean her out. This is a suicide mission, and it just happens to be one of their ways on getting information.

The Akatsuki...

S-Class ninjas. The best of the best from many different nations, all proven to be unbeatable and rarely leave any survivors.

If she failed or got caught, she could easily be killed.

 _Tsunade looked at her student. "Listen to me very carefully. You are not be recognizable. At. All. You can not show any affiliation with this village. You are to be sent to a smaller nation and become a ninja there. You are to catch the Akatsuki eyes, for they choose you. Every member known there has been invited or forced to join."_

 _She continued, "they seem to choose males over females as far as we know, so we suggest you dress like one."_

" _This may take you a few years, but most don't make it past that point…." Tsunade choked. The alcohol was really hitting her and her emotions out of whack. Damnit!_

" _Sakura…" Tsunade started again._

 _How do you tell someone they might die on a mission?_

" _It's fine," Sakura interrupted in a stoic tone. Her eyes empty and she was looking at the ground. In almost a zombie like state, she look defeated._

 _Tsunade looked up surprised, tears on the edge of her eyes, "S-Sakura… I really didn't want to have to do this to you. B-but-"_

 _Sakura interrupted again and gave a small smile, "It's perfectly fine." She sounded so sure._

" _Don't underestimate me."_

 _Tsunade had no words._

 _Sakura continued, not breaking in thought. "I mean… The last thing they'll expect is a young pink hair ninja.. I know why I was chosen._ _I'm not that strong and I'm not from a powerful bloodline, so It doesn't really matter if I die or not... and I know I can't say no._ _But, I'm different. And I'm going to do this, my lady, I promise, and when I come back, I will become your student again. And I'll complete my medical training." Sakura swore to her._

 _Tsunade laughed quietly, and drank some more. Tough girl._

 _She had some hope in her now._

Sakura looked up to the heavens, thousands of stars peeking out from behind the clouds. She closed her eyes and breathed out.

What's the plan?

I can't act all tough one minute and show nothing for it, she thought.

She hadn't expected herself to put on such a strong face and tell Tsunade that she was ready for this.

* * *

Sakura stared in the mirror playing with her hair. She got up early, before the sun even came out, mostly because she couldn't sleep, too deep in thought about the mission.

She was trying different hairstyles. She thought about dying her hair but she felt like that might be much, but it could be a future possibility. She forgot how fast her hair could grow, she had it short for a while but it grew past her shoulders again. She was really liking the high bun style, it made her look more serious. And she could easily cover it with something, maybe a hood. Or should she dye it?

She had over a month to plan and so everyday she was researching geographical locations around the nations, thinking about where it would be best to begin. It wasn't easy thinking of living in a different village, not allowed to come back home until she finished.

Sakura realized she had to have some sort of trait as most ninja were gifted really in particular things. Especially these S-class ninja.

Gaara has his sand, Sasuke with his Sharingan, and Naruto for his impressive amounts of chakra. Where did she go? She was extremely good at chakra control, but wasn't made to deal with more impressive jutsu. She was hoping to have mastered her chakra control enough to reshape the ground just like Tsunade.

She just begun learning it. It wasn't just about learning to punch right, but more on how much chakra you can control to do what you want with it. Sakura would just have to learn to control it on her own, and practice it herself.

She was one of the brightest in her class, just one behind Shikamaru. A lot of the times she wasn't placed in positions where she could plan accordingly, and most seem to not care. She mostly kept to herself, besides, Sasuke ended up doing a lot of the talking, where Naruto then pretended he also knew the answer. And before all of this, she wanted to focus on Sasuke.

It was embarrassing looking back on those memories.

Don't focus on that, she thought. Sakura knew she could use her smarts to her advantage. Not far in other smaller villages, there have been need of investigating work. And since they are smaller and don't show much importance, the rate of crime is higher and also comes with more unsolved crimes.

She was going to have to go somewhere she could slowly start to build her reputation. She also could only send messages to the village very rarely, as it would slowly become too suspicious if she was sending too many messages to the same area.

Sakura asked Shikamaru to help her with her research, only saying the information for Lady Tsunade. She really wanted to have a second opinion since she wasn't sure if all her knowledge was correct.

Shikamaru gave her a curious brow, but didn't ask anything else, only helping her sort through books.

She had begun to build a solid relationship with the lazy ninja, and since Naruto had gone, he has become one of her closest male friends. She even played shogi with him sometimes and joined with his family for dinners.

She really wanted to tell him what her mission was, but she couldn't risk it. But she hoped that if she died, he wouldn't forget about her. That was a depressive thought, but she was slowly learning that it became normal.

"The land of Bamboo is an extremely small country, seems like everything they built is with Bamboo, makes sense, Ironically. But it seems to be encountering a problem with some rogue ninja." Shikamaru said.

"Hmm…. How come they haven't dealt with it yet?" She already knew the answer but asked anyway.

"Their ninja aren't that strong and seem to be having trouble hiring someone to take care of it. It seems like they have lots of other problems too. Poisonous water, kidnapping, seems to be getting worse by the year."

"That poor country."

"Yeah…," He paused, "No offense, Sakura…But this is a strange mission Tsunade has you on. Why must you look into every minor village anyway, it's not like they are a threat or anything."

Sakura didn't answer at first and instead focused on re-reading the information on the scroll.

"I'm not sure. I'm sure to find out soon, since she says it's important."

She hated lying. He seemed to be getting more suspicious the more they talked about it which started to make her nervous. She knew if he found out, he would find every reason to change her mind and the councils mind. But she knew it wouldn't do any good if anyone else found out, and Tsunade would never forget it. It reminded her of Naruto, she knew that he would go crazy before letting her do anything like this. But she felt like she couldn't let her precious people fight her battles anymore for her.

Actually, would it be so selfish to talk about it? I mean, it's not like she wanted to go. But getting anyone else involved would be dangerous and stupid. She couldn't even tell her parents the truth, just telling them that she's been sent on a mission to learn medical ninjutsu from teachers around the nations. They seem to believe her and didn't seem worried. They were excited their daughter was making her way up in the ninja world.

She needed to change the subject.

"So I hear Temari might have a thing for you."

Shikamaru froze and Sakura looked at him from her book, curious.

"What!" Shikamaru froze, mouth gaping, "W-What makes you say that?" His face was red.

"Just heard it from Ino." Sakura said simply.

"Oh god," he groaned, putting his hand over his eyes. "I swear that girl," he mumbled to himself.

He looked straight at Sakura. "She has no idea what's going on. No, Temari doesn't like me in that way. We happen to be really good friends, and we discussed how everyone thinks were an item. Honestly, she probably one of the closest friends in my life and she gives me a pain, but I'm lucky to have her as a friend." Shikamaru said so seriously.

"Are you sure you are only saying that because you do actually have feelings?" Sakura played along.

Shikamaru shook his head. "I admire her as a person and wish to continue getting to know her more, but I have no feelings for her and same with her when it comes to me." He said honestly.

Sakura was looking at him with wide eyes. She felt embarrassed for even mentioning anything since he seemed so offended by it.

"W-wow Shikamaru, I had no idea."

"Yeah well, It's fine, it's not your fault. She's not my type anyway. No offense, but she reminds me too much of my mother," Shikamaru said while rubbing the back of his head, just thinking of the older woman screaming in his face how he slept in for so long. His dad trying to get involved which always seem to get him yelled at too.

Sakura began to laugh until she had tears coming out of her eyes. Shikamaru smile and chuckled.

"Your mom is a mean woman, isn't she?" Sakura laughed.

"She can be truly terrifying," he joked.

Sakura looked to Shikamaru. "You know, after Naruto left, you and Ino have become my closest friends. We got closer than I ever thought was possible."

"Yeah, we did, didn't we?" Agreeing with her. They watched as the sun went down and the library was about to close.

"I'll meet up with you for a game of shogi, alright?" Sakura said as they parted ways.

Yeah, same time and place as usual."

That night she actually got some sleep.

* * *

Sakura was waiting in front of Tsunades desk, her hands behind her back. She was extremely nervous, this was her first time showing the Hokage her plan and she wanted to make sure it was perfect. She spent nights working on her report, not trying to leave a single detail out.

"So far, Sakura, this is a solid plan. You think you'll be ready on time?" The Hokage asked, a small smile on her face. This made Sakura relax.

"Yeah… I think so. I think it's my best bet so far."

Tsunade smiled. She was extremely impressed and proud.

"I've never been more proud." She told her student.

Sakura couldn't help but smile. The Hokage grabbed the paper and put them back together nicely, giving them back to Sakura.

"Most people wouldn't be able to do this, especially at your age." Tsunade said.

"I just hope one day no one my age is asked of this again." Sakura replied, looking at the ground, the smile went away.

Tsunade paused, "I agree. Let's hope this is the last."

There's been too much pain and suffering in the world.

* * *

"It wasn't a lie, it's absolutely true." Ino was arguing with her.

"Yeah, well, Shikamaru said it wasn't. He said he only liked her as a friend and he seemed to be honest about it." Sakura said, folding clothes into a small bag, Ino lying on her stomach on the pink girls bed scrolling through pages of a fashion magazine. It was her mothers but Ino was more into it then Sakura was. They met up for lunch one afternoon and were just hanging out in Sakura's room, avoiding the hot weather. Sakura was also showing her blond friend some outfit ideas she came up with and Ino made her promise she would do a mini fashion show for her. Sakura rolled her eyes but actually agreed to it.

"Yeah, well, I was just repeating what others were saying,"

"See Ino," Sakura began, "this is how you start drama. You can't believe everything you hear."

"But I'm almost positive it is true!"

"Why do you care so much anyway? Do you like him?" Sakura jokingly asked.

Ino, flabbergasted replied, "W-what, of course not! He's a lazy, good for nothing excuse of an ninja that I've ever met," Ino burned red and looked away. Sakura didn't seem to notice as she was looking for her first outfit to show off.

This one, Sakura thought as we went to her walk in closest.

"Well...Did Shikamaru say he liked anyone?" Ino asked innocently, asking as if it wasn't a big deal but she was really not trying to freak out.

"No," Sakura replied, trying to figure out the best way to put the garment on, realizing she was looking at it backwards and didn't notice the side zipper. Dumbass she thought to herself, rolling her eyes.

"He never said, then again, I didn't ask," Sakura finished.

"Hm, well maybe next time you can-" Ino then started to squeal once Sakura came out.

"It looks so badass! What kind of mission is this for again?" Ino got up and was inspecting the garment, feeling it between her fingers as Sakura was looking at herself in the mirror, using her hands to brush through her hair.

"It's something easy I think, Tsunade said she would tell me more about it later," Sakura answered almost with no hesitation. She had gotten use to lying so easily now it almost scared her. She still felt extremely guilty about it though.

"Simple, my ass." Ino scorted. "You have an extremely different taste in clothing for just any mission, it must be something juicy. You'll have to let me know, wait, what if this is your first sexual mission!" Ino asked excitedly.

Sakura gaped, "What! That's insane, I'm only 14! 15 next month!"

"So, it was just a joke!" Ino teased, "They don't do that anymore anyway. It's not the dark ages anymore, thank god."

Sakura laughed nervously. Checking herself out in the mirror. She was wearing a one piece black spandex suit, fitting to her skin in almost perfect way. It flatten her chest more, and she was thankful for her boyish stature already, she didn't Have curves or breasts like the other girls. Maybe one day, she hoped.

It was the first piece to her disguise.

"You look like a boy in it though, just saying," Ino said blatantly.

Sakura turned around fast and playfully hit the blond. "Shut up, Pig!"

Sakura and Ino laughed until they were laying on the floor, breathing for air, a few more laughs escaping. Sakura felt really good to be reconnect with Ino again.

* * *

Sakura was reading a book on masks, looking into different cultures and tribes that were in the fire nation. She was mentally drawing what she wanted in her head, something simple but masculine also. Not something colorful or floral. Greys and blacks, metal work.

She got out a notebook and made some sketches of some of her favorite styles. She sketched out a well defined mask shape, it being more pronounced on the chin, not being a feminine mask but more square. She planned on not having a cut out for her eyes, there was a type of glass work she was looking into that designed glass that was transparent looking through one side but not the other. She wanted to make sure nothing was seen of her original natural body and face. Also it was a order from Tsunade and the elders.

The cloak that the Akatsuki wear aren't skin tight in any sense, more of the opposite where you can't tell what is under the cloak. Lucky for her then, they wouldn't see anything.

She has spent a lot of time researching all she could about them. Or what was even known about them, which wasn't much. Just recently they've gotten noticed, and information was scarce. Itachi and his partner, Kisame, tried to infiltrate the village and take Naruto a year ago. This was alarming considering at the time Itachi's whereabouts were unknown.

So far, the only known members were just a select few. There were at least ten members from many nations. The hidden sand, the hidden mist, the hidden stone. When Sakura had asked Tsunade why other villages weren't concerned, she just scoffed and said.

"Because they're fucking idiots."

Don't even get her started on the Tsuchikage, Tsunade really despises that old man.

Apparently there was some info saying one of his own students joined the Akatsuki, but like the the Tsuchikage would ever admit to that. Leader's had to be careful about giving out information, and this was quite a delicate matter. If tensions weren't high enough as it is.

Now with the alliance with the sand, more information could be shared.

During the second great ninja war, a puppeteer genius from the hidden sand was formidable, destroying villages in the night. Sasori Akasuna, or known as Sasori of the Red sand. The name given for the amounts of blood staining the battlefield, it reeked.

He disappeared years ago, but now it seems some info has been found that he is also a part of the Akatsuki. His grandmother has been looking for him for sometime now and she led the investigation team to find out. Apparently it is known she's not a fan of the leaf, her own son and daughter in law murdered by Kakashi's father, Sakumo Hatake, Konoha's White Fang. It really is small world, she thought, of all people to have killed Sasori's parents, it was her own teachers father.

The only reason she obtained this information was because she was allowed in the forbidden sections of the libraries, just for preparing for this mission. Tsunade gave her special clearance, and because of Shikaku's position, Shikamaru also had access.

"Sakura." She heard her name being called and looked up, startled.

"Shikamaru! You scared me!"

"I apologize, I didn't mean to startle you." He started as she walked over to where she was sitting, standing over her.

"Besides...I've never seen you for one to draw," he teased, looking over her shoulders.

She smiled but gave it right back, "there's a lot of things people don't know about me, you would be surprised."

He looked over her drawing of the mask and lifted his brow. "What are you drawing anyway?"

"After researching so much on the cultures and some of the ceremonial masks, I just decided to try it out," she said, it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either.

"Well, I'm glad I found you, I just wanted to say goodbye for the time being." He began.

Sakura froze, what did he mean by goodbye. Did he know that she was leaving in the next couple of days? There's no way, besides he's so calm right now.

"I'm going on a long mission and it might take a couple of weeks, but when I get back, let's get together with Ino, alright?" He asked.

She was relieved, it wasn't about her.

"Of course…," she paused, "wait, Shikamaru, a mission, what for?" She asked.

"I can't say, but maybe after it's done I can tell you all about it."

"Oh... well, wait, before you go." She started.

Shikamaru was going on a long mission, but he didn't know she was as well. This is the last time she'll see him in a long time. She wasn't ready to say goodbye.

She got up and went to hug him tight. She buried her head in his chest. Over the last year, Shikamaru grew a couple of inches and was a head taller than her now. She didn't want him to go. Not after Naruto, who she was still grieving about him being gone.

Shikamaru's face grew pink, and almost didn't move until he put his arms around her gently, almost freaking out the whole time he moved. He couldn't believe it. For the last couple of months he had gotten so used to hanging out with the pink hair female, and actually looked forward to their conversations. She was the only one who could talk about half the things he thought of anyway. He forgot how smart she was, she never really showed much of it, even at the academy. She was a lot smarter then she even realized, beating him at a few points that made his old man laugh his ass off. His old man always goofing he needed to find a girl like that one day.

Wait, he didn't like her, right?

Sakura let go, and pushed him back. "Well, I'll see you in a few weeks." Sakura said not looking at his face, instead looking at the ground and pacing out fast out of the room.

Shikamaru was still standing where he was, only to look back at the front door of the library where the pink hair girl went. He had no idea what just happened and was beyond confused.

"Woman… what a drag." He was blushing still.

Shikamaru was looking forward to seeing her again, maybe to figure out more what Sakura was looking into for the Hokage. She was hiding something. He just had to piece it all together.

He then realized he had to get up early in the morning.

"Damnit. What a drag."

* * *

"Do you know exactly where you're going?" Tunade asked Sakura, examinaing more of the report.

"Yes, It'll be one of the neighboring nations. There is a lot of crime surrounding the Hidden mist, and from further research now, it seems that's where most of the Akatsuki come from. I don't have the skills yet to become a bounty hunter or missionary for crime lords, but if I focus on smaller villages that need the help, then I can use medical ninjutsu there. There is a chance that if I build up more credibility, the Akatsuki will seek me out as a medic ninja."

Tsunade nodded her head slowly, looking down at her desk, thinking. "It's a good start… The only problem will arise is where you learned your medical jutsu. Those villagers will know you're an outsider and you will be less trustworthy to them. Some of the others before you tried bounty hunting but were easily killed by some of those type of ninja. Stay in the shadows, Sakura."

"But my lady, please, I know I can-"

Tsunade interrupted, "Sakura, do not argue with me. I know what will work and what will not work, and if it shows you have any affiliation with the Hidden leaf, the whole mission will be screwed."

There was silence in the room until Sakura asked, "why would it be so bad?"

Tsunade looked her into eyes. "You think it will look to other nations if more our ninja were joining the Akatsuki? No. It would be extremely dangerous of us to send ninja out. We would be seen as a threat to other nations and almost easily conquered if most went against us. That's why in the past if anyone abandoned the village, they would be killed. They know too much to be kept alive and for the sake of everyone in the village, they have to be stop from joining these military organizations like the Akatsuki."

She continued, "It's worst enough we lost Sasuke to Orochimaru, but his brother is in the Akatsuki. Two of the last Uchiha are now out in the world, other nations see this a huge threat to them and have kill on sight listed under their names."

Sakura's chest stung. She hated Sasuke… but she didn't want him to die. He means to much to Naruto.

"This is why it is up to you to keep everything a secret." Tsunade finished.

Sakura nodded.

"There is a lot of crime in those villages, crime organizations have taken advantage of them and use them for food and prostitution rings. The local militia don't have the resources to investigate and figure out who the main families are in the first place. I would consider you to becoming an investigator of sorts. Akatsuki don't just look up how many rules you break, they care more on how you do it, and how you can be used."

Sakura nodded again.

"I'm still very proud of you, Sakura," Tsunade said, trying to reassure the girl.

"I'm going to discuss with the higher ups that if you don't get into the Akatsuki in the next year that you can come home, but I'm sure they will fight me on it like hell."

"Wait, really?" Sakura asked excitedly. She would be able to go home early?

"Yes, I'm going to try everything in my power to allow you to come home."

Sakura felt like the world was falling apart around her anymore.

* * *

Sakura couldn't believe it. She was actually leaving the village.

The month went by so fast.

It was 4am and Sakura was lying in bed. She couldn't fall asleep. She turned over towards the window, staring blankly outside. The sun was starting to come up, instead of the pitch-black night; it was more of a navy now, with clouds speckled across the sky. She could hear the morning calls of the birds and rolled her eyes; they were so loud at this time.

Her parents said their goodbyes last night before she went to bed, telling her how proud they were of her to be going on such an important mission. Telling her that she would be the first to be studying medicine in the family, how the rest of the family is so pleased with her. When they were telling her, she felt immense guilt. She hugged them hard, telling them she was going to miss them. They had no idea what she was really doing which killed her inside. Lying to her parents when before she use to tell them everything, how she done so well at school, her drama with Ino and other girls, and how her lazy teacher would always be so late. They listened to everything she said, and they trusted her.

She's already changed in a matter of a month and she couldn't believe it herself.

This was going to be the last time being in her bed, her room, her house, her village, for a long time. The night before she decided to actually get ramen at Ichiraku's just for the heck of it. She wasn't a ramen fan, but she did enjoy the shrimp with fried tofu every once in a while. They greeted her with a loud hello, asking how she was, asking what her friends were up to, and for once, it was nice. Nice to have someone actually ask.

Was she okay?

She didn't have to answer that.

She ended up just smiling and getting a second bowl; the warm broth really did the trick to make her feel better.

Maybe that's why Naruto loved that place, the good food, the warm atmosphere, the owners were incredibly nice, and just the feeling of being safe.

When she put all her stuff together, she ended up having too much which made her stay up just a couple more hours just to decide what she really needed. She got so angry at herself that she threw everything on the floor and cried in her closest, frustrated. After she calmed down, she was able to pack again.

She knew where she was headed first, a village on the way to her destination that made masks and other metal work. She knew it was a good opportunity to find one that no one would recognize her as she kept going.

She wasn't excited either about pretending to be a boy, thinking the Akatsuki was sexist for mainly picking men to join. Girls could be equally as terrifying and dangerous. She would show them that.

She was trying to decide on a new name as well, stuck between three, but she thought she would try them all out as she went to different villages.

It was quiet as she left the house, she rubbed her arms, it was surprisingly cold. She was glad she put on longer pants today.

Tsunade was waiting for her by the gates, the elders were with her too, having on two sour faces, and giving her a strange look as she walked up to them.

Tsunade went up to her and hugged her tightly, Sakura returning it. The elders looked at each other, not used to seeing their leader being so open to showing affection.

The older female raised an eyebrow, thinking this pink haired girl was something special for their Hokage to be hugging her like that. This student was different from the others, even Shizune, she noted.

Tsunade let go but bent down to her student's eye level. She put her hands on her shoulders, "I'm so proud of you, Sakura. And I'll find any way to get you home earlier so don't you worry." Tsunade promised. Sakura's stomached turned, she was starting to hate that word, 'proud'. As if she's done that much for people to be proud of her yet, she's just doing what she's told. Was it worth it? Would she die for nothing? She ignored all those negative thoughts, burying them in the back of her mind.

"Thank you, my lady..." Sakura paused and looked out towards the open gates. She wasn't sure what else to say, instead letting it be silent goodbye. The sun was shinning blindly in her eyes as she began walking, deciding that if she didn't start, she would never.

When Sakura was far away enough from the village, she turned around, seeing Tsunade waiting by the gates watching her, before turning around and walking again.

Sakura wasn't sure how she felt anymore, but she decided to follow her intuition. She wasn't going to be a burden anymore, she was going to protect everyone this time.

* * *

 **So?**

 **What did you all think? Making more sense now or is it like, wtf, a giant flopping mess lol? Honestly, I wasn't sure what the reaction was going to be for the first chapter but I'm very excited that you guys like it!**

 **Also do I need to change the rating for the cursing? Probably will need to later anyway.**

 **I wanted this chapter to focus on her state on mind as she is being sent, and I know it might sound stupid for her to be sent away, but I mean, anyone could've been sent. Sakura's not a super valuable ninja as of the moment, and I'm taking a dark turn on this world, because ninja's are sent to death all the time. teenagers die all the time in this world, and is it any more crazy to have a bunch of ninja children fighting grown ups then to have Sakura be sent on a top secret mission? I mean, maybe, but also, not everything has to be logical. And I'm excited to show you what happens when she actually 'joins' (aka meaning forced like many others) because I'm so excited to dive into her character with the others and how she will facing so many doubts on what it means to be a ninja.**

 **Do you like the way I'm writing Sakura or the others as characters? I know I want to stay original, but I do wish the characters would act better in some ways and I wanted to incorporate that into this story.**

 **Thanks so much for reading! I hoped you enjoyed it!**


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